Deliverance

(N.B. I wrote this on Monday, but haven't had time to post it until today.)
Psalm 120:1 says: "In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me." Yesterday, my emotions were like a ball of yarn completely tangled and in knots.  The events of the last week had tested me to the point that I knew I needed to surrender completely to God, but in my fear, I only half-turned to the Lord.  The pastor talked about Psalm 120 in his sermon on Sunday morning, but the way he applied it did not speak directly to my situation.  Then in College Group, the ministry resident (a fancy term for a two-year intern) talked about Psalm 150.  Again, I gleaned some insight from what he said, but I really wasn't ready to give the situation entirely to God.  It wasn't until last night, after I had prayed and read my Bible extensively and tried to listen to God's voice, gotten into bed and tried to go to sleep that I realized the problem.  Inside I felt like I was carrying a heavy burden of emotions that just wouldn't go away.  So I started praying again.  I said something like, "Lord, I want to trust you.  I've given up ___ to you."  And then the Spirit prompted me: "Have you really given it up completely to Me?"  I realized then that though I thought I had surrendered it to God nearly six months ago, I was retaining just a little bit of that unhealthy emotion so that in case something happened down the road that would make it alright, I could easily resurrect that feeling.   So when something, over which I had no control, happened last week that did affect that emotion, the emotion surfaced from the depths of my heart as if it had always been just below, waiting for an opportune moment.  After this realization, I told the Lord, "I surrender it all to you.  I won't keep anything back for myself.  I leave everything to your sovereign will and will no longer worry about the present or the future." "In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me." As soon as I had finished praying, I felt the burden fall away and the yarn begin to unravel.  I was able to fall asleep quickly, and this morning when I woke, I had the realization that no matter what comes my way, I can always call upon the Lord.  Hopefully next time I won't wait as long to call upon His name, because I know He will answer.