Psalm 46

"God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
thought the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling."

God is with me even though it seems like my world is falling apart.  Even when everything else is shaking, He is unshakable, and I can put my trust in Him and He will not fail me.

"There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations roar, the kingdoms totter;
He utters His voice, the earth melts.
The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress."

I can long constantly for the presence of someone, but God is always present with me.  He will protect me.  In the dark season of life when I see no light, I can be confident that the morning will come and God will help me when the light dawns and I step out of the darkness.  Everything around me may be unsteady, and my emotions may be boiling over, but God still speaks in the midst of these situations, and He has complete control.  He can smooth everything out into His exact plan, mold the clay from an ugly lump to a beautiful vessel fitted for His use.  God is present, and He is strong.

"Come, behold the works of the LORD,
how He has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth,
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
He burns the chariots with fire.
'Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!'
The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

When I think about what God has done and worked through all of time and throughout the world, and then consider that I"m not willing to trust Him in my relationships, that's just plain stupid.  Why is it so hard to let God mold me into the person He wants me to be?  He makes peace among people in conflict.  Why shouldn't I let Him make peace in my own heart?  Why shouldn't I trust that He will mend broken relationships?  My mind is racing on and on.  I think, "Why didn't I?"  My life should not be defined by what I should have done.  The mistakes are there, but they don't make me any less of God's creation.  I am a child of God who has sinned massively, but God, through His blood-bought mercy is in the business of forgiveness.  By living in sin, I was ruining my own chance at God being exalted through me.  He can't use hypocrites.  I was blocking his work through me by living in a pattern of sin.  Now I just need to be still, listen for His voice, and remember that He is God.  He can do anything.  Now I just need to let Him do the work.

Run!

It's been a really long time since I've posted, and a lot has happened in my life since then, but I have this confidence: God is good! I was reading 2 Samuel 18 (which is in the midst of the story of David and his son Absalom, who is trying to take the throne), and I was struck by the following verses:
Then Ahimaaz the son of Zadok said again to Joab, “Come what may, let me also run after the Cushite.” And Joab said, “Why will you run, my son, seeing that you will have no reward for the news? “Come what may,” he said, “I will run.” So he said to him, “Run.” Then Ahimaaz ran by the way of the plain, and outran the Cushite.
2 Samuel 18:22-23

"Come what may, I will run."  What determination is this!  To run, not caring for the outcome, whether or not a reward will be received.  Ahimaaz ran to bring the good news.  He needed no reward, he only knew that he must run, and run with a purpose, so run he did.  And when he ran, he outstripped the Cushite, who ran "knowing" that he would be rewarded.  I think that this can be a lesson for all of us.  If we are Christians, we are called to carry the good news.  May we run with a fierce persistence, not caring what obstacles lie in our paths, or whether or not the news will be well received or we will be rewarded.  We must but run, because it is what we are called to do.  Let us have the attitude of Paul, who says in 1 Corinthians 9:16-18: Yet when I preach the gospel, I cannot boast, for I am compelled to preach. If I preach voluntarily, I have a reward; if not voluntarily, I am simply discharging the trust committed to me. What then is my reward? Just this: that in preaching the gospel I may offer it free of charge, and so not make use of my rightsin preaching it."
Amazing!  Paul considers his reward to be the right to refuse any reward or monetary gain for his labors.
Through tears, turmoil and tribulation, come what may, I will run to bring the good news, not looking to the response of those to whom I bring it, but to the response of my Lord and Master in heaven.  When I have finished this life, I want to be able to say, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." (2 Timothy 4:7)  And if it so pleases the Lord to say, "Well done, you good and faithful servant," (Matthew 25:21) may my response be, "I am an unworthy servant, I have only done what was my duty." (Luke 17:10)